hotel room ftw
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
