Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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