halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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