If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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