It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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