Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
