I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
