I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
