I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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