Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
