need another drink. this is the easiest way
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
