6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
