you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
