I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
