..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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