Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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