I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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