are you still at the devil's house?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
