you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
