why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
