dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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