she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
