I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
