dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
