I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
