The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
