He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
