oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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