i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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