At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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