I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
