We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh god the rape fog is back!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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