1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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