She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
