omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize