Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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