I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
