My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
