my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
