Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
