You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
