You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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