I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
