wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
