I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
