What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
