I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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