Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
