I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
