please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This baby is an asshole
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
