a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
