So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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