Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
