I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
