"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
