So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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